Film Review--Teeth

Teeth
written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein
starring Jess Weixler, John Hensley, Josh Pais, Hale Appleman, Lenny von Dohlen, Vivienne Benesch, Ashley Springer, Julia Garro

Being those lips there must be teeth. It’s an ancient fear that has afflicted men since the dawn of time. Vagina Dentata. Yes, something horrible and strange capable of maiming and even killing the unwitting. For Dawn O’Keefe (Weixler), this mythical condition has always been with her. The film starts with a startling scene. Dawn is in a kiddie pool with her step-brother Brad (Hensley). He says, “Now, show me yours.” While their parents Bill (von Dohlen) and Kim (Benesch) ignore the kids, Brad suddenly cries out. He reveals a serious wound at the end of his finger while Dawn playfully turns her head away. It’s obvious what has happened and proves to be one of the very few instances in cinema where childhood sexually is blatantly explored. It sets the tone nicely for what is to follow.

Years later Dawn is in highschool. She is a confirmed virgin who speaks at gatherings of other virgins who have taken the Promise pledge. It is something of a cult with the audience blindly offering mantras that have been inculcated into their sex-starved brains. Dawn is perfectly at ease with her celibacy until she meets a new student named Tobey (Appleman). It’s clear from the moment she apprehends him that she wants him deep inside her. Indeed, she fantasies about marrying him and is close to pleasuring herself before she freaks out and condemns herself for nearly succumbing to self-love. It’s clearly forbidden in the cult and her near betrayal of her oath troubles her immensely.

Despite the pledge she calls Toby and they spend an afternoon swimming together. After they climb out of the water the inevitable happens and they begin to make out. Only Tobey takes it much further and ends up sexually assaulting Dawn. Fortunately for her this is when the teeth kick in and bites his man-stick cleanly off. It’s a fine tactic and one that could go a long way to eliminate the rape problem in toto.

So, Dawn discovers her condition and is naturally disturbed by its implications. Her changing body replete with new urges has left her a hideous freak with an immense power which she employs whenever the situation calls for it. At first it is terrifying and unwanted but gradually becomes a weapon that can be used to rid the world of creepy guys who prove to deserve whatever horrible fate her vagina teeth can dish out.

Dawn goes to a gynecologist named Dr. Godfrey (Pais) who attempts to molest her while ostensibly performing a routine examination. The teeth take their revenge by severing four of his fingers. The film is routinely very funny in a strictly dark sense and the image of the sorry bastard slumped in a corner with his bloody digits scattered on the floor is just one of many chillingly hilarious moments in the film. One might find it odd that a scene with a severed penis could be anything but horrific but this film manages to find the humor behind the savage act. Sure, it’s brutal and perhaps the worst fear a man can possibly entertain but as it’s conceived here the end result is extremely funny.

The great revenge fantasy is not entirely played out in this film until the very end. Dawn mainly maims boys she actually wants to have sex with until she finally comes around to accepting the viability of her special skill. Then she deliberately uses it as a weapon that truly serves her well and wreaks a terrible revenge on a very real enemy. It is suggested that she is going to continue to take full advantage of the teeth and become something of a penis-severing serial killer. The only difficulty would be disposing of the bodies but if she could manage to only attempt sex with boys and men in their own bed and could perhaps render them inert through drugs so they don’t attempt to strangle her out of their agony and confusion, she could eliminate a fair amount of leches.

The connection between innocence and savagery proves to be an intriguing one in this film. The fact that Dawn is molested as a very young girl perhaps is linked to her militant anti-sex position. She learns to both vilify and fear her sex organs as she begins to suffer flesh longings that she attempts to suppress by swearing to avoid any sexual activity until her wedding night. She’s a little girl burdened with a fantasy of the first time that will most likely never come true. She is born with the teeth and the wound they inflict on Brad is traumatic to her in a decisive manner. She might have grown to view her sex organs as not simply dirty but lethal although the memory of the instance is not available to her.

Brad is a typical sex-crazed black-metal head who screws girls and smokes weed in his room. He’s supposed to be the antithesis of Dawn as he is mostly a dissolute character who lives something of a hedonist lifestyle that is wholly profligate and venomous to Dawn. He’s also a confirmed misogynist who refers to every woman, including his step-mom as a bitch. He shows his disdain for female genitalia by routinely taking his conquests up the ass. He is presented as a rather shallow menace who is nevertheless living something of an ideal life in the eyes of many men.

It can be argued that this is a pro-abstinence film after all considering the bloody finality of sex that is depicted throughout. Dawn is pure, irritatingly wholesome, yet struggling with yearnings she has managed for her entire life to dispel. In anatomy class the school board has deemed it necessary to place a giant gold circular plate on the page that displays the female genital organs. The terrible mouth, the gateway to all grief, is thereby shown to be so terrifying that it cannot even rightly be shown in school. Again, female sexuality is something so dangerous to young minds that it must be obscured. Yet they have no problem with allowing the penis schematic which the teacher attempts to defend by stating that there is a difference between the two that he is unable to define. He can’t even say the words regarding female sex organs, so deeply ingrained is his fear of being contaminated by them.

The performances in this film all serve the script well. Jess Weixler has a natural quality that befits her character’s earnest attempt to remain sexually pure. Dawn comes off as robust, emotionally strong girl who is brutally assaulted and subsequently considers herself unclean and unworthy of promoting purity to an audience of her fellow highschoolers. Weixler captures her character’s transformation with great skill. John Hensley is a bit off at times but mostly he conveys a highly charged, aggro man-boy who seems to take great pleasure in demeaning women for sport. He’s believable enough as a cauldron of rage that might overflow at any time. Hale Appleman is a bit flat at times but his role isn’t terribly demanding. All he has to do is look horny and scream repeatedly when Dawn’s special little friend brutally takes his manhood and his life.

Overall, this film is thoroughly engaging from the moment we meet Dawn and Brad. It takes a worldwide myth and modernizes it into an occasionally frightening and very funny narrative. It points out the absurdity of chastity as a lifestyle choice for horny teenagers whose hormones demand sexual release. Still, it doesn’t exactly promote healthy sex as all but one attempt end up horrifically for the boys involved. Female sexuality is promoted as dangerous if not deadly and the film never attempts to suggest a differing point of view. What it does do is give its central female character great insight into the nature of her condition. However, she is prohibited against sexual congress until she meets a “hero” who can disarm the dragon and free her. This perhaps means she will remain pure until she meets the man she is to marry and once she is betrothed the curse will be lifted and she can subsequently spend the rest of her days happily screwing her ever-loving brains out.